Men + Myself + God

Tag: relationships

MORE on the War (on needs)

by P. Braithwaite

A few months back, I wrote about needs. Specifically, I wrote about my needs. I wrote about how my best friend and my boo weren’t meeting my needs. In truth, I had just become aware that I actually had needs, and I was throwing them around with reckless abandon. I was imposing my needs on others, and it was causing problems.

In the blog, I wrote:

So I’m left with the faint feeling that my needs are wrong. Intuitively, I know they are not, but logistically I have a very hard time understanding this concept of “needs.” I know, after lots of therapy and self-help books, that it’s okay to have needs. I also know from lots of religious txts and new age books, “needs are an illusion…desire is the cause of suffering.”

Months later, I am still contemplating the role of needs. Should we have needs? Should we expect others to meet them? If others meet our needs, should we in turn meet there’s? I suspect that there’s a happy medium.

There are some needs that you can ask others to fill, and there are some that must be filled within ourselves. BUT, in asserting my needs, I must also respect the right for others to refuse to meet them. In asking to have a need met, we run the risk of failure.

I struggle with articulating my needs. It is much easier to shift my focus onto what others need without truly putting my own desires first. But doing this too much builds resentment, and resentment is bad for the soul. Often, I have to check in with myself — what do I really want from this situation? When I put aside the people-pleasing tendencies, what do I really need?

More often than not, I’ve found that the my requests I have from others are less about needs (love me, hug me, listen to me) and more about boundaries. My needs typically are things I can provide for myself IF I make some changes that impact others. For instance, my personal needs might require that I break a date or promise. My needs might require that I rework a routine. My needs are typically things I can fulfill myself, but sometimes they require an uncomfortable conversation. I have to advocate for myself.

It is very hard to put yourself first…and, in truth, meeting the needs of others often gives us joy. But I know, both from experience and books, that addressing our own needs makes us even more equipped to address the needs of others.

In the long run, everyone is happy.

So today, I’m reminded to check in with myself and figure out what I want. To take care of the needs I can, and to ask for help when I need support. From this place I can give and receive.

And so it is.

Advertisements

Quickie: Silence and Seeing Ourselves Clearly

by P. Braithwaite

“Unfortunately, in seeing ourselves as we truly are, not all that we see is beautiful and attractive. This is undoubtedly part of the reason we
flee silence. We do not want to be confronted with our hypocrisy,
our phoniness. We see how false and fragile is the false self we project.
We have to go through this painful experience to come to our true self.
It is a harrowing journey, a death to self—the false self—and no one
wants to die. But it is the only path to life, to freedom, to peace, to true love. And it begins with silence. We cannot give ourselves in love
if we do not know and possess ourselves. This is the great value of silence.
It is the pathway to all we truly want.”

M. Basil Pennington

See my past posts

MANifest Destiny: A Little Optimistic Visioning :)

by P. Braithwaite

SO I decided to post twice today. Like I said…I love V-day and I love love. Sue me. 😉

I’ve touched on all of my favorite Valentine’s Day topics recently ( self-love, loving your friends, opening your heart/forgiving, and self-worth), and I don’t have anything new to say at the moment. So, instead, I humbly share my top-secret lady love-vision with you, and I lovingly challenge you (and myself) to enjoy all the love in your life, WHILE clarifying your own vision for the love you desire.

Enjoy…

He is a man. A man’s man. An honest man. A handsome man. A man whom I desire. A man who walks into the room and ignites my heart. A man who supports me — all of me — the best and worst parts of my…self. My man is a balm — a salve — an ointment that makes life a little bit less painful. A man who teaches me how to feel safe. A man I can trust enough to relax. He is a romantic man. A man who spoils me and sweeps me off of my feet. I am constantly surprised and I am open to receiving. He takes me on adventures — in our living room, in our backyard, and across the globe. A man who makes me laugh so hard I could throw up. A man who is honest — spiritually, emotionally, and physically present. A man who stretches me…as I stretch him…and we grow together. He is a man with whom I feel a soul connection. A man who is available. A man who scares me in the most constructive way — in the way that challenges who I am and fosters who I am becoming. A good father for my children. A good leader for our household. A good partner for my soul…for our team…for our tribe…for our empire. A man who is deep and philosophical — a thinker. A confident man…secure in his desires and comfortable with the life he is choosing. A creative man — one who understands his own power and ability to create his future. A man who is ready to be my husband — who can help me feel ready to be his wife. I am ready, willing and able to be this man’s wife. A man who loves, honors and supports the artist in me. A man who occasionally reads my work but is never intrusive. A man who sees me clearly and loves me unconditionally — who helps me deepen my relationship to myself. A shepherd…a confidante…a partner…a friend.

This is the man I will marry.

May your reality and your vision always align.

What are you MAN or WOMANifesting?