Men + Myself + God

Tag: Marianne Williamson

Prepping for Love: It’s All About Me

by BLOGGERemme

The way in which I learn best the lessons that will affect my life, is through self-observation, by internalizing and owning the subject at hand. By being taught and then taking a break to experience, observe, feel and potentially incorporate that which I have learned, before continuing to absorb more of it, really makes the difference with me for apprehension.

Life stepped in again and created this timely, extended beginning on my quest to call in “The One” by allowing me to partner with Marley (see my second post here). Also some little issues popped up: a conflict with schedules, sickness and other things that could have stopped our start. Having these potential deterrents allowed Marley and I to reaffirm our resolve of not letting anything arrest our march forward. Something could always come up, but we weren’t putting this part of our lives on pause any further. We were truly committed to this intellectual sojourn.

While waiting, I didn’t pick up the book again. I let the portion of the book that I had read sink in and register. I let what I was feeling about this course swirl around in my head. I fortified my commitment to gaining clarity around relationships and I observed my ways, my thoughts, and I journaled. This delayed start allowed me to slow down and think complete thoughts about our impending journey and prepare myself to either modify established ideas or formulate new ones.

There is something to be said about having a partner. Knowing that I have someone to support and someone who is there to support me, changes the experience exponentially for me. The course went from my private quest, to my personal quest and made it that much more real.

Before our first meeting there was a complimentary seminar that yours truly, Ms. Braithwaite, informed me of. Marley and I attended Calling in “The One” – How to Release Your Hidden Barriers to Love and Become Magnetic to Your Soulmate; an online seminar conducted by Katherine Woodward-Thomas and Claire Zammit.

Between the seminar and Week One I learned that I needed to get over my past, claim my power, and change the way I looked at my life so that it incorporated a “we” versus a “me” outlook. The great news about what I discovered is that I am in control to adjust and create, within my life that, which I desire and need to call in “My One.”

Getting over my past is essential and it became strikingly clear when over the summer I was offered a great way to consider our journey through life…a bus. Let’s consider for a moment that we are riding on a bus taking us towards our goals. There is only enough room on the bus for a certain amount of people and luggage. Who do you bring with you? And what do you bring with you, especially from your past, on this ride? When I was given this way to look at life, it became extremely apparent that I had to get rid of my past that was no longer serving me. I had already kept and incorporated the lessons learned…what else was I holding on to?

In recognizing, accepting and articulating my wants and needs, I am able to claim my power. What came out of Week One is me owning and saying aloud that I want to be chosen as number one! I will not be second to friends, a career, or a specific lifestyle choice. In my life my partner chooses me first as I choose him first, but we recognize, honor and respect those elements of life that are extremely important; elements like family, friends, a career and a specific lifestyle. We build our life together and choose us first and I comfortably believe that this will afford us a solid foundation.

There is Lesson 7 called Making the Space for Love. It is wonderful and was the beginning of a magical shift within. This lesson starts off with a wonderful quote from Marianne Williamson’s A Woman’s Worth that says it all.

Make room for love and it always comes. Make a nest for love and it always settles. Make a home for the beloved and he will find his way there.

This lesson has produced overwhelming feelings of reverence and admiration for love, dedication, partnership and faith. I am still in awe and adjusting to my new mental and emotional landscape of sharing my life with my partner in love. So now I ask all of you: who’s on your bus? How can you create more space for love?

Cheers,
emme

Travel the distance with me as I call in “The One”!
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My [OVERDUE] OPUS on FORGIVENESS

by P. Braithwaite

I have reached the end of my 30 day forgiveness journey, and today seems like an appropriate day to reflect on forgiveness, prayer, and moving forward. It was drafted WEEKS ago, but I’ve been resistent to share….

I am writing this in a beautiful outdoor space surrounded by tikki torches and twilight. I am alive, and the past is actually behind me.

I did forgiveness work around my ex. Ya’ll read the blogs; you know the one. Prior to this challenge, the mention of his name made me nervous. I had anxiety about the memories and the lies. My stomach would tighten when I heard his name (his name is also an adjective, so I heard it and saw it more often than I liked). The first thing I realized:

1. The lack of forgiveness, the inability to let go was in some crazy way, a desire to “feel” in control: If I worried, somehow I could affect change. If I didn’t forgive, I wouldn’t have to move on or move forward. I wouldn’t have to look in the mirror and see myself in the present. I wouldn’t have to see a single, magnificent person capable of taking care of herself. To withhold forgiveness, was a desperate attempt at staying the same.

This process had its tests and strange occurrences. While I never actually heard from him (thank god…), the universe kept bringing me people and circumstances that were testing my forgiveness work. The universe is good for that, bringing you ways to kick up feelings . Thus the second thing I realized was that:

2. Doing forgiveness work around one man, impacted my relationship with almost all the men in my life: It’s easier to forgive a ghost than a father you see everyday, or a former lover you run into every day, and what I think the universe was trying to tell me by putting me in these trying situations was that I can trust myself to take care of myself. I can trust myself enough to let go of hurt and still be solid, complete, strong, resilient…which brings me to my third lesson…

3. I am resilient enough to forgive: Intuitively, I think we believe that letting go makes us susceptible to being rehurt, but I’ve come to understand that it doesn.t When you forgive, you create a space between the person who as a “victim” and the person who currently exists.

See I didn’t do forgiveness work around my father, but I could have. We’ve got a long history of sarcastic comments and cunning remarks. Most of the time, we’re pretty funny, but sometimes they cut to deep – they bleed for years, they stain the carpets and the walls. We don’t know how to say we’re sorry to each other.

We both need to forgive. Every time a remark cuts too deeply, I am eight years old again and I am hurt. I am angry. Around 16 years old, I learned that I can be just as hurtful and quick-tonged. So, at 28, that’s often how we interact – I am perpetually a 16 year old, protecting her eight year old self.

That’s what happens when we don’t forgive. We walk around as wounded children in grown up bodies. We interact from a place of perpetual injury. Forgiveness separates us from our wounded self. Forgiveness lets us see that we’re not “there” anymore.

4. Forgiveness doesn’t make us vulnerable to attack; it sets us free.

I’ll say it again: I didn’t do forgiveness work around my dad, as I felt it more imperative to heal the resentments from my last relationships, but (in the process) I realized that a man, is a man, is a man…and daddy issues are a m*ther fu*cker. Letting go of one hurt allowed me to heal and deal with others. I am now responding to my father from my 28 year old mind and heart. This is a radical thing, I assure you…

Finally, in an awkward turn of events, my exboyfriend’s “lady friend” sought my guidance on some issues she was having with him. I’d never met this woman, and I was shocked she reached out. I was also a little taken aback by her…but her words, the level of urgency in her delivery, the sincerity I felt coming from her….reminded me of myself. And so I spoke to her with an open heart. I protected my ex’s privacy while trying to help this woman. When I tell this story, people ask me why I didn’t curse her out or ignore her? The truth is I absolutely couldn’t because I saw myself in her words and her questions. When I stopped being so angry at the ex, when I let go of the anger…there was compassion. I suddenly had compassion for him, for her…but mostly I had this overwhelming compassion for myself. Forgiving him allowed me to forgive myself. I didn’t realize it until I spoke to his home girl. I tried to tell her everything I wished someone would’ve told me (while respecting my ex’s privacy..which in itself is kind of huge). Helping her felt like I was helping myself. And so my final forgivness lesson was …

5. We are only ever in relationship with ourselves. Forgiving him was really self-forgiveness in disguise: When we hold on, we re-live. When we hold on we abuse ourselves. We hold ourselves captive and we are actively in the process of being unkind to ourselves. Forgiving someone else is truly a selfish act – if I’d known that I would’ve tried to do it sooner.

So those are my thoughts! Marianne Williamson’s 30 days of forgiveness was hard but worth it. Writing this reflection? Even harder, but I hope it inspires you to find forgiveness in your own way. I promise you…as someone on the other side (I use the term “other side” loosely, I’m not inviting this dude over for tea or anything…I just don’t hate him anymore)….you will see shifts.

I’m interested to hear from someone who tries it with someone whom they MUST interact with? I’d love to hear how that turns out…

Money, Forgiveness & Other Things I Deserve

by P. Braithwaite

You may have heard this logic applied to money: if you lose money it will come back – though it may come from an unexpected source. Well, recently I found that the same is true with forgiveness. We all know I’m doing a 30 day prayer for my ex boyfriend – someone with whom I had an extremely difficult relationship. The results of the prayer marathon have been mixed – some days I feel extreme sadness, some days I am happy for the experience of knowing him. Either way, the results of my forgiveness prayers are hard to measure because I don’t speak to this man anymore, and (despite all of the forgiveness work) I probably never will again.

That said, I received a really random text from a guy I briefly dated after my breakup with my ex. One might call him Rebound, if one likes that type of language. In any case, it didn’t really end on the best terms, and I think I’ve been carrying some embarrassment and resentment around the whole ordeal.

Anyway, Rebound essentially took ownership over his bad behavior and texted the words, “you deserve an apology.” I’ll spare you all the details, but he was right – I did deserve one. Though I hadn’t  expected to ever receive one from him, his words were actually quite comforting. More than that, the phrasing — you deserve an apology — felt like he was speaking generally. I felt like he was speaking beyond his own behavior. I felt like he was giving me something that the universe wanted me to have.

Sometimes, we carry the burdens of others. People behave badly – treat us poorly – yet we suspect that we could’ve moved differently, loved harder, or been kinder. Sometimes we have to just accept that people can’t treat us any better than they have. Sometimes people don’t have the capacity to be anything other than who they are – they are battling their own demons, nursing their own scars, dealing with their own baggage.

I think part of my forgiveness prayer work with my ex must also include the knowledge that I couldn’t have done anything differently. Part of my letting go must revolve around knowing that I truly deserve an apology. Let me be clear, I don’t expect one, but I need to walk away with the knowing that I deserved one. I deserve a lot of things he wasn’t able to give me. And that’s okay. My favorite Oprah quote is that “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.”

I think it’s time to sit with the fact that, along with the sun, the moon and all the stars in the sky…I deserve an apology…which really means it’s time to free myself from the hope that I could’ve been anyone other than who I was. I am enough, and I deserve an apology.