Men + Myself + God

Tag: Brené Brown

Stop Giving a F*ck and Go Accept Your Emmy

by P. Braithwaite

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I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve gotta stop giving so many f*cks. Seriously, I have so many and I give them often. It is tiring. I’ve gotta give less… or maybe none at all. I’ve probably cursed too much.

Bear with me…

I realized something yesterday while watching the Emmys. I was eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream, sitting in lotus on my couch, and live-tweeting as presenters announced the nominees for best supporting actress in drama.

Merritt Wever, the woman who plays the really sweet nurse on Nurse Jackie who loves kittens, won an Emmy and (bless her heart) she was wearing gold 80’s style door-knocker earrings with her evening gown (I think it was a gown. It could have been a long skirt and silk top). As she made her way up to accept her award, I found myself frowning at my TV and tilting my head to the side.

What the hell is she wearing?!?!!

And that’s when it hit me: on one of the happiest days of Merritt Wever’s life, I was sitting there criticizing her outfit. The other, more important, realization was my criticism does absolutely nothing to her (or for me). My criticism in no way diminishes the majesty of her moment. It’s really a waste of time.

So two things need to happen:

1. I need to stop being such a hater.
2. I need to stop giving a fu*k about
being criticized by other haters.

I’ve gotta go grab my own proverbial Emmy.

There will always be critics.
There will always be people on the sidelines yelling and screaming.
There will be praise and there will be blame.
There will be love, but there will also be rejection.

And make no mistake, rejection feels like shit…But it doesn’t make you any less remarkable.

It doesn’t make your efforts any less impactful. Someone else’s criticism doesn’t make you less brave. People’s criticisms speak to their own ugliness not yours…And their ugliness is imagined…just like yours.

So today, I am learning to give more love and less f*cks. I’m learning to be unafraid of all the critics eating ice cream on the couch. Brene Brown, vulnerability researcher and amazing TED talker, refers to this act as “Daring Greatly.” She actually has a book by the same name.

I humbly offer you the quote that inspired her book:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Get out there and accept your award!

Quickie: Ordinary Courage

by P. Braithwaite

“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.”
― Brené Brown,
I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

Quickie: On Vulnerability

by P. Braithwaite

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are