Men + Myself + God

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(Not So) Quickie: Fallacy of Unconditional Love

by P. Braithwaite

“THE operative fallacy here is that we believe that unconditional love means not seeing anything negative about someone, when it really means pretty much the opposite: loving someone despite their infuriating flaws and essential absurdity. “Do I want to be loved in spite of?” Donald Barthelme writes in his story “Rebecca” about a woman with green skin. “Do you? Does anyone? But aren’t we all, to some degree?”

We don’t give other people credit for the same interior complexity we take for granted in ourselves, the same capacity for holding contradictory feelings in balance, for complexly alloyed affections, for bottomless generosity of heart and petty, capricious malice. We can’t believe that anyone could be unkind to us and still be genuinely fond of us, although we do it all the time.

Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”


-Tom Kreider

Excerpt from New York Times Piece, “I Know What You Think of ME” Read the whole thing (It’s brilliant).


Quickie: Silence as Ultimate Reality

by P. Braithwaite

True silence really means going deep within yourself to that place
where nothing is happening, where you transcend time and space.
You go into a brand new dimension of nothingness. That’s where
all the power is. That’s your real home. That’s where you really
belong, in deep Silence where there is no good or bad, no one
trying to achieve anything. Just being, pure being. . . . Silence is the ultimate reality.

Robert Adams

Miss me? Check out my old posts.

Are you Keeping your feelings inside?

by P. Braithwaite

What are you keeping on the inside?

Here’s my basic rule: Keep inside only what you want to grow.

If you asked The Besticle, my former beau, to describe me, I know he’d use one word: Emotional.

Then, when if I didn’t lunge at him, he’d smile and say, Patia Braithwaite has feelings about everything, and she always wants to talk about them. With everyone. Who will listen. All the time.

He’d punctuate that statement with an exasperated ‘ugh.’

And…for the most part, he’d be right.

I’m an extremely emotional being. I feel things. I find joy in identifying my feelings, in describing my feelings, and in feeling the feeling underneath the feelings. If I could get a PHD in feelings, I probably would. I’m a feeling connoisseur. I feel in an intense way. Feelings come out of my eyes. Feelings pour off my skin. My friend writer friend, RP, says sometimes I wear my feelings on the outside like a coat.

I make decisions based on feelings. I give those feelings fancy terms like “intuition” and “inner knowing.”

I make my feelings sound sophisticated and special.

Despite all of this, I’ve learned that if I don’t honor my feelings and live in integrity with them, I’ll be miserable. I have to understand my own feelings in ordered to be authentic, and so my general rule of thumb is: Only keep inside only what you want to grow.

Thus, in learning how to deal with my emotions I’ve learned that if I’m upset, annoyed, angry, jealous or resentful — I’ve got to get it out. I’ve got to let the feeling seep out from my lips (in a kind and honest way), to diffuse some of the energy. When we try to ignore our feelings they grow larger, they create shadows and block better feelings. They become perverse and rule our actions. I don’t want those feelings to grow, so I let them out.

Conversely, I imagine my good feelings are like babies. Feelings of enthusiasm, hope, optimism, happiness, joy, anticipation are kept inside of a little while. I like to let them pulsate in my belly or the center of my heart. I let them radiate and imagine light from that feeling is shining out into the world. I protect those feelings – I don’t throw them around so that people can diminish them. I keep them inside and allow them to grow.

Here’s some goood-feeling news that’s ready to come out: The Huffington Post has invited me to blog for them! I get to blog on HuffPo about love and relationships. I think this is the coolest thing ever, but I kept this quiet because I wanted to protect it. I told a few close friends and then waited until I got the guidelines to share it with more friends, and now I’m sharing it with you (and I’ll share it once again when my first post is up). I wanted to protect the good feeling. I wanted to nurture it and water it and coax it to fruition. I kept inside what I wanted to grow.

So today, I urge you all to check in with your feelings – what’s going on in your body and do you want it to grow. If its good feelings, find ways to feed that inner fire, and if the feelings aren’t positive find ways to let it go. My sincere belief is that we are all conduits for the universe – we’ve gotta keep the pathway clear so we can be embodiments of love.

Anything you need to let go of? Use the comment section below!!