More on Happiness

by P. Braithwaite

Your happiness is waiting for you.

Can you see it? It’s right there behind the feelings you aren’t willing to face: it’s behind the loneliness, the sadness, the nervousness, and the fear. It’s behind the shame, the anxiety, the secrets, the tension and the white lies.

It’s right there wearing a Sunday dress, holding a pink balloon.

By the time you read this, I will be well into my 10 day silent meditation retreat. This is one of those terrifying things that seemed like a good idea months ago when I signed up. You don’t realize how loud you are until you remove external stimuli.

I imagine that all the things I feel in drips and drabs will be unleashed — the feelings I avoid with television, books, friends, snacks, and drama, journaling and writing — in silence will have room to reveal themselves. I won’t be able to write. I won’t be able to speak. I won’t be able to make eye contact with other people.Mostly, I won’t be able to hide from or avoid myself.

It will be about sitting with myself and watching these thoughts rise and hopefully dissipate.

And what will be left?

I’ll be sure to let you know when a I return.

I’m hoping happiness will be among the remains. 🙂