Kim Kardashian is Doing God’s Work: Volume 2
by P. Braithwaite
Two years ago, when Kim Kardashian was marrying Kris Humpries all over cable tv, I was trapped in a loveless (and sexless) relationship with the man I call Dr. Dolittle. At the time, I didn’t know it was loveless (I was aware of the sexless part), and so I turned myself in knots convincing myself that my lack of passion was a flaw on my part.
I’m just too guarded. I need to open my heart. It’s because I’ve been hurt before…
That wasn’t it though. In truth, I needed to realize that I just didn’t really love him. And, truthfully, he didn’t really love me either. After a year in a long distance relationship, we should’ve split up over the phone and kept it moving.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
Instead of realizing that the relationship was a sham, I encouraged him to move in with me (and my two roommates and a tomcat named CoCo). He showed up with a duffle bag, and lived with me for two months.
Those were arguably the worst two months of my life.
One particular night comes to mind: we are in bed together. We are not touching; we are not cuddling. Both of us are fully clothed and above the covers. He reads a book, and I watch the 500th hour of Kim Kardashian’s wedding special.
I am sitting on my bed with a man I do not love, watching Kim Kardashian marry a man she doesn’t love. I watch her lash out at her sister. I watch her become more withdrawn and miserable. There is something about her crying the night before her wedding, about her asking friends for advice (at her own rehearsal dinner) that resonates deeply with me. So I do what we all do when we can’t acknowledge ourselves.
I judged the sh*t out of her.
“They are clearly wrong for each other,” I remarked. “I don’t think she’s in love with him.”
I happily pointed a finger at Kim K without noticing the other fingers pointed back at me. This pointing was more palatable than turning toward myself or the man living in my home.
Kim Kardashian is doing God’s work, and I’mma tell you why.
Whatever her motives for displaying her life all over the television, her misguided attempts at happiness are a lesson for all of us.
Beyond that, though, I believe that we are our own worst critics. We push ourselves into the love relationships we think we deserve and feel guilty about wanting to get out. We speak harshly of ourselves, we engage in daily dosages of self-loathing.
And that’s all without paparazzi calling you fat.
I genuinely believe that, whatever folks think of me, I’ve thought worse. Self-criticism keeps me from living more loudly, shining more brightly, and being more authentic. I think this is normal human behavior – which makes me wonder what Kim Kardashian’s inner-dialogue is like. It makes me wonder about what pain she must absorb to live a life so public.
Can you imagine hundreds of people reaffirming the scary shit that you think about yourself?
It takes bravery (and some neurosis) to be so openly and shamelessly visible. I cannot presume to know Kim’s motives. I’m not saying they are consciously noble, but sometimes we do more good than we intend. Sometimes our impact is greater than our flawed ego.
Sometimes we help just by showing up.
What I am learning is that there is as much spirituality and honor in being criticized as there is in being praised. When you stand in the line of fire you give folks an opportunity to search there souls.
Don’t forget, I think judging people can lead to enlightenment.
The thing is, praise and blame are two sides of the same coin. The act of engaging in both allows folks to reaffirm who they are – either by judging or identifying. Whether you love Kim Kardashian, hate her, or turn your nose up at her, you affirm your beliefs and values about yourselves.
Kim Kardashian is doing God’s work.
See, any opportunity to become more yourself is a blessing. Anyone who helps you discover who you are…is doing what God would have them do.
So I respect all those who allow themselves to be offered up risking shame, failure, heartache, and isolation. Even if their motives aren’t pure, it’s just not an easy lesson to sign up for.
Plus, and this I know for sure, everyone, on some level is doing God’s work. Everyone, on some level is assisting in the progression of every soul they touch.
Kim K. is no exception and neither are you. 😉
How are you doing “God’s Work”??
Keep up with my random Kim Kardashian Series: Vol 1. |