That Time I Worked In TV or Seeing Blessings in The Unmanifested
by P. Braithwaite
I went to college for print journalism and never, in my wildest dreams, did I think I’d end up working in daytime television. Overnight I was in this crazy environment . My fabulous friend knew I was looking for a job, and he told me where to send my resume. I did. And, somehow, with very little production experience I set off working for Rachael Ray. I passed celebrities in the hall and everyone I worked with was well-coiffed and sophisticated. I didn’t feel like I fit in. I wasn’t very comfortable in my awkwardness. I didn’t have a background in television and so everything felt so foreign. I second-guessed myself constantly, and I didn’t know how to connect with my coworkers. I felt like everyone could see that I was an outsider. All of my energy and vibrancy hid inside of itself where it felt safe. I wasn’t so comfortable with my awkwardness back then.
I was miserable. I felt isolated, so I checked out.
In hindsight, working in production was not for me. I’m a poet and writer who prefers to live inside the clouds. I’m a delicate flower that needs rest and sunlight and peace of mind. TV production is a beast – it moves quickly, is cutthroat, and the personalities are overwhelming. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.
Even so, its important to acknowledge my role in my own unhappiness. I could’ve made the best of the uncomfortable situation. I didn’t feel good enough (smart enough or pretty enough) for my job, and so I never truly claim it as my own. I worked hard (overcompensated), but I felt I didn’t deserve to be there.
I can’t blame ALL of my unhappiness on the job not being “for me.” I let the voices in my head get the best of me, and in some ways sabotaged my own enjoyment because I couldn’t receive the opportunity I’d been given.
I don’t write this with an overwhelming sense of regret. The environment wasn’t conducive to my disposition, but I share this because I know that I wasn’t present or open to the experience I was having. Being present, even if its not where you want to be, makes the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity.
I tell this story for two reasons: I know there are some of you who are frustrated by what you haven’t received, and there are some of you so busy telling yourself you aren’t worthy – that you’re ruining your own prosperity as you read my words. Sometimes our defense mechanisms convince us that where we are isn’t good enough and other times we tell ourselves that we’re not good enough for where we are.
Either way you are EXACTLY where you’re supposed to be. So your task is to receive the gift in the present moment.
If you aren’t open and ready to receive your blessings you will sabotage whatever comes your way. No matter how awesome something is, or how long you’ve waited for it – if you’re not ready to receive it, it won’t be yours for long. If you’re not open and ready to receive what you desire, you will not recognize it when it’s being offered.
I’m sure there were gifts for me at my job that I just wasn’t open to receiving.
Readiness involves being able to see potential in unexpected places. If you aren’t open to receive what you desire, you’ll miss out when it shows up in an unexpected place.
There are gifts in every place you find yourself, but it’s your job to be open to receiving what is yours.
One last thing: With all the talk of law of attraction and positive thought, we run the risk of assuming that what we haven’t received is a result of something we’re doing wrong. We burn incense and say affirmations while glancing at the clock. We make vision boards and focus wheels while vibrating at the frequency of fear. What if I’m not good enough. Why hasn’t this happened yet. There is nothing wrong with ritual and setting your intention, but we must also see the blessing in the absence of what we want.
We must learn to see the absence is a blessing.
Sometimes absense is an expression of God’s grace – His kind way of giving us time to prepare to receive. While we’re all waiting for whatever it is we’re waiting for – a job, a soul mate, a big break or a good time – know that NOW is the time to make ourselves ready. Now is the time to be the person who can claim the thing you want.
Otherwise you might find yourself in someone else’s dream, too afraid to claim what’s rightfully yours.
What are you preparing to receive?