Do you Love your Anger?

by P. Braithwaite

I have a Buddha statue in my home. It is a tall slender statue with a golden face and feminine features. My mother calls him Buddhette and threatens to steal him when she visits. To most people, the Buddha indicates that I’m on a spiritual path.

The truth is people on the path are still people…

When The Besticle and I broke upthat one time, I was angry. My writer friend RP, who was also suffering from a breakup texted me and said: I feel bad for you because you have a Buddha and stuff. You’re not allowed to be angry.

“Oh don’t worry,” I assured her. “I’m angry.”

There is a distinct difference between non-violence and anger, and, the truth is, I get angry all the time. I’m okay with it. My blood boils, my fists ball and I have to express myself. Mastin Kipp, of the Daily Love, has talked about the need for people to vent.

I’d add that there’s a need for folks to get comfortable with anger.

There is nothing unholy about anger. Often we think that if we allow ourselves to feel outrage we’re somehow unhealthy or imperfect. When people get angry around us we try to mitigate their emotions. We get uncomfortable and tell them to breathe, but anger is healthy and necessary for healing.

Here’s the thing: grief and heartache can make us feel like a puddle of emotion. Our eyes leak, our hearts ache and we think the feelings will never end. We often feel physically torn and scattered. As a result, we point to the person who made us make us feel this way and turn them into monsters. Their shadows loom over us, terrorizing us day and night. We powerless and victimized.

Until…we get angry.

Anger helps us. Our hearts beat faster, our breath quickens, and we suddenly feel grounded in our bodies. We want to punch someone, we want to yell, but mostly we begin to feel our own power. Through anger, we begin pull the various pieces of ourself together. We become cohesive again. We locate our inner power and feel compelled to act.

Now, I’m not saying we should act on our anger, but it’s okay to feel like we CAN. It is a good thing to feel like we can…

There is a reason that anger is one of the later stops on the five stages of grief — it is a natural emotion. It is a necessary component to feeling our pain. Through anger, we get strong enough to delve beyond the rage and prepare to face the truth…that pain is horrible and uncomfortable, but we can (and will) always rebuild.

How do you channel your anger?

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