Rough Waters

by BLOGGERemme

Week Two, the week of completion. This week’s work was rough for me. While Week One looked to level set, Week Two looked to check and reinforce my foundation. How? Well, in a theoretical sense, easily. Here are the steps. I have to be:

  • Prepared to lose something to gain something
  • Prepared to forgive and let go of the past
  • Able to discard toxic elements from my life
  • Able to let go of former commitments, even those that are forgotten

Easy…no?! What do I want to gain? The man of my dreams. To this end, what am I willing to lose, let go of, or give up for my desire? I think of myself as a woman with not many needs or desires; just simple ones that have a strong link to quality (thanks mom). Initially, as I was reading this lesson I was drawing a blank on what would give up and then Katherine Woodward-Thomas put forth an example that registered. A woman that regarded herself, similarly as I regard myself, as strong and independent realized that

“She had to allow herself to give up the emotional armor she’d grown so used to, becoming more vulnerable and undefended than ever before.”

If I want to be in a lifelong partnership, I have to give up my solo outlook on life as well as my ‘emotional armor.’ This is not to say that I will be the stereotype of a woman from yesteryear without her own identity or allowing myself to be too vulnerable, quite the opposite. For me it means taking that ah-ha moment from Week One’s lesson on making space and applying it to the majority of my life. I had a moment where I was hanging clothes in my closet and realized that I would be seeing men’s clothing in my closet soon. That my home, would become our home and be peppered with elements of us not just me. That my life would still be ‘my life’ but would also be ‘our lives’. To get the man of my dreams I have to incorporate the idea of him into my world. Letting go of the past for me has largely been about forgiveness of what others have done to me and about forgiving myself for what I have done to others. Through this journey I became able to articulate that I need to forgive myself of what I have ‘done’ to myself and move on! I need to forgive myself of the former self-doubt and self-criticism, the former thoughts that my ideas were blah or just okay, the former ideology of only planning versus allowing and putting into action many elements of my life. I am realizing how hard I am on myself and I really need to just love myself more and be kinder to myself. Letting go of the past is allowing me to step into my current mindset. How have you completed the past? What are you willing to let go of to gain what you want?

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