Men + Myself + God

Category: LIFE

On Standby

by Patia Braithwaite

ON NOWI will never forget the feeling I had when The Besticle came back the second time (only to disappear months later). I was so primed. I was so ripe and ready to be loved. I had done months of soul-searching and my heart was ready to explode. He called. I answered.

He was forgiven before he even asked.

The night we reconciled, I was a goner. The truth is, I felt love in the tips of my big toes. I’d felt love in my head before and I’d felt the warmth of my heart, but there was a tingling in my big toe that felt like glitter. It was warm and shinny. Intoxicating and exciting. I felt like I discovered my own magic.

I floated into my apartment that night, and stretched myself across the bed; then I called my three best friends.

“I feel love in my toes,” I babbled incoherently. “I’m going to go all into this. And so I need you all to hold the fear. I need you all to be on standby if this goes horribly wrong.”

My friends were gracious. They held my caution (and their tongues). They’d seen me through the first breakup, and they were happy I was happy. They knew, however, this would probably go wrong.

And, of course, it did. It went horribly horribly wrong…

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On Community

by Patia Braithwaite

Those of you who know me, know that I crave community. I join classes and clubs, I turn strangers into friends, but I’m always left somehow unfulfilled.

Well, I’ve realized something about my never-ending quest for community: it’s bullshit.

I’m learning that groups of like-minded people freak me out (and bore me). I like nuance. I respect dissent. I both fear and crave to be challenged. I resent anything that feels exclusive or divisive.

I’m not the biggest fan of intellectual cohesion.

I learn over and over that ‘community’ is not this homogenous group of people who have the same exact beliefs (that might be a cult). Communities aren’t groups of souls who need to be saved, fixed or tweaked. Communities aren’t based on sameness or even differences because…everyone is different in exactly the same ways.

Community is wherever your feet have landed. Community are those who breathe the the exact same air as you (HINT: everyone). In this space, in this moment you are communing.

In this space, in this moment, community is all there is…

…Proceed however you see fit.

What does community mean to you?

You’re not alone.

by Patia Braithwaite

I have said this before, but I’ll say it again:

Life is scary and full of unknowns. What we think we know for sure, ends up false. What we say we want, isn’t what we need, and what we hate ends up being our salvation…And, when all is said and done, none of us make it out of here alive.

I’m just gonna say it: life can suck…

When I am scared, when I am weary, when I have trouble loving myself…I draw strength from knowing that, if nothing else, I don’t have to ‘do life’…alone.

I know some of you think that’s bullshit, but it’s not.

Some of us have awesome families. Some of us have great friends. Some of us have lovers, and some have therapists and coaches who hold us down.

We may feel we have no one, but that’s not true.

Last night, I opened up to a room full of strangers, and they received my neurosis me with open-hearts.

You’re allowed to receive love and support. Let me say that again…you deserve a safe haven in this life…

So, for those who feel you have no one, you have me. Take comfort…even if you’re afraid…we will face the unknown together.

And so it is.

(No, seriously, I’m here: patia.braithwaite@gmail.com)

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