LIFE

Quickie: Great Stories

“We don’t normally face our fears willingly. Usually, God has to woo us into the desert. We are either chasing love or some other desire, and we find ourselves in the midst of a situation in which we have very little control. And when we lose control, we go into a mild form of trauma. But the good news is the greatest stories are lived in the desert. The great lives are lived in the places we most fear. If we fear being rejected, the great story has us standing at the door with flowers in our hands, if we fear losing love, the great stories have us letting that person go rather than clinging to them. If we fear taking a chance on a dream, the great stories have us quitting our jobs.” (Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts.)

Quickie: After any storm…

After any life-altering event, disappointment, break up, and/or breakdown…I look in the mirror and always, inevitably, say the same thing:

“Welp, you look pretty good. At least you managed to stay skinny…”

And, more often than not (considering my diet) that’s actually something to be proud of.

What have you managed to accomplish amidst change and turmoil? Acknowledge yourself.

Quickie: The Shadow Self

“Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to life in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired.”
― Debbie Ford

Praying for Miracles

A Course in Miracles says that everything we see is an illusion. The Bible mimics this sentiment, the idea that the tangible things of this world are not real.

There is more to life than we know.

To that end, I’ve found myself praying differently. If nothing is real, but EVERYTHING feels real to me, I cannot rely on myself to pray for a specific outcome. I can only pray for strength, courage, wisdom and guidance to overcome what lies ahead.

To that end, I’ve begun praying for miracles — an event or occurrence that removes the veil of human perception and shows the face of divinity.

A Prayer For Miracles

Dear Lord,

Thank you for all that I have and all that I am. I do not know what to say or where to go, so I ask for your loving hand. I ask for a miracle, and I ask for the ability to recognize all miracles in my life.

And so it is. Amen.

What miracles are occurring in your life today?

Quickie: Love without Getting Tired

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”
- Mother Teresa

Pulling YourSELVES Together

It’s hard to put into words all that you are. It’s hard to push the disparate parts of oneself into a collection of adjectives that accurately capture that indefinable quality that makes each of us special.

When I was in college, I took my first African American Studies class and discovered the AAS library. Thus in a haze of snow, great fiction, and horrific historical fact, I became an angry Black person. I, who’d grown up in suburbia and knew more white folks than black folks, became angry and distrustful of society at large. I was pissed off and I didn’t know who to blame. It certainly didn’t help that I was perpetually cold (hey ‘cuse).

At that point, I could only do one of two things: I could forget what I knew OR throw myself into this new role of angry black woman.

I tried the latter and, even at 18 years old, I knew it didn’t suit me. So I had to learn how to reconcile these two conflicting identities: the trusting suburbanite and the scholar who understood the atrocities of slavery and the African diaspora. This person who understands that societies are capable of immense love and horrific hate…unlocked a compassion that helps me connect with the entire world.

This task of self-reconciliation, however, happens at every point of our lives. One learns and stretches and acquires new knowledge. One gets her heart broken, gets a new job or finds herself in a new place, but this new event is not ALL that she is. She must learn to reconcile the new self with the old self…always reaching to be more complete than she was before.

New experiences and challenges add to the mosaic of our souls.

I’m now a business owner. I’m now someone who is actively building a brand and a foundation for my future. I’m reading books about money and business and branding, and it’s forcing me to reassess my values. Who am I? What do I truly value? How do my decisions communicate these values? All of these ideas, solutions and questions are uncomfortable. Is my business-self different from the person in the mirror? I am learning to balance those aspirations for success with my desire to be loving, my affinity for relaxation, my true nature of generosity, laughter, and deliberate action.

I’m learning to make this new role “my own.” And that, I believe, is our real task…

We often think that to succeed we have to completely transform. We have to change and fit into the preexisting paradigm, but the truth is we must learn to take what we’re learning and make it fit OUR individual paradigm. We are not meant to change the world by becoming carbon copies of our mentors. We’re ment to set the world ablaze with our individual fingerprint.

There is no one in the world who can do what you do…the way you do it. Remember that as you become who you are meant to be.

Today, I acknowledge my ability to learn new things without sacrificing or compromising the best parts of myself. I honor all that I am and all that I am becoming.

And so it is.

What are you learning and changing in your life? What are some things that you’ll maintain?

photo credit: http://insidethemasquerade.blogspot.com/

Quickie: Telling the Truth

“Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.”

― Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Vol. 2

Eating Fruit Together…

credit:wallpapersrus.com

The other day my mentor, an amazing executive coach and professor at NYU, and I were discussing my life coaching journey. She asked, “Patia, what’s your low-hanging fruit?”

Life coaches love a good metaphor.

For those who aren’t familiar with the term, think of it this way: its lunchtime and you come upon a pear tree. To squelch your hunger, you’d reach for the low-hanging fruit. To obtain the pears you want, you’ve still gotta stretch, but reaching for the low-hanging pears is the best course of action.

This can be applied to your goals.

We have something we want to achieve, and the best step is right in front of us, but sometimes we ignore the low-hanging fruit. Instead, we spot a tree and try climbing to the top, or we look for sticks and honey with which the build a makeshift (and ineffective) ladder. We get so caught up in our hunger that we sit under the tree and lament without realizing that what we need is within reach.

So when my mentor asked me this question, I started looking into my own tree. I glanced up at the top and thought about opportunities for growing my blog and building my brand. I thought about elaborate proposals and partnerships I can obtain through distant contacts. I should hire a publicist, I thought. I should do another seminar. I should get another coaching certificate beyond the NYU one. Maybe I should get a PHD in positive psychology.

And then I realized: I should just tell people I’m a life coach.

So, dear friends:
I’m a life coach.
an empowerment coach.
a self-love/compassion coach.
a support system to help folks get out of their own way.

And I launched my own coaching company called The {Inner}workroom. I work with folks to help them identify what they really want. Then, week by week we set goals and target those areas. When blockages arise, we explore them. Together, we dissolve the reasons folks can’t start a business, or find a good mate, lose the weight or change careers. We work together, and folks discover they can do anything they want. I call myself a relationship expert, but I’m really just a lover.

Life coaching is just another way for me to love.

I have a few clients, but my goal is to have about 12-15 clients. So I’m asking you all to spread the word. Tell folks about me. If I have helped you through your own transitions consider working with me yourself.

Part of grasping the low-hanging fruit is being unafraid to claim the things we desire. It is my belief that God does not plant seeds in us that cannot be sown. We must simply water our seeds, allow them to grow and share the fruit when it blossoms. My deepest desire is to build a business and a life that allows me to love people and support people. My deepest desire is to live my life and bring experiences to others so that they can heal, and I can heal, and together we can heal the entire world. My deepest desire is to give myself full permission to shine, so that I can encourage others to do the same.

This blog will never turn into a non-stop sales pitch for my services. The truth is this blog, and you all who read it, sustains me. You help me organize my experiences and I know many of you feel that I’ve helped you do the same. I was reluctant to introduce myself as a life coach, because…for me…we’re…friends. I had to realize that a life coach can still be a friend. A life coach can still share stupid stories and life lessons.

By not telling you that I’m a life coach, I’m not honoring our friendship. By not asking for your help, I am ignoring my opportunity to grow.

So, today, I’m taking a chance. I’m reaching for the fruit. I’m letting you, my dear friends, know what I’m doing. I’m offering my services to you and those you love. I’m asking you to refer me to people you think might be in need. But mostly, I’m letting you know that I’m capable, qualified, and willing to help. If you need me – I’m a phone call away.
So, my two questions today:

1. What’s your low-hanging fruit?

2. Also, can you think of one or two people that might benefit from working with me? If so…lemme know. Patia@theinnerworkroom.com

Quickie: All the World’s a Stage

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

William Shakespeare

Heartbeats for Boston and Beyond

I, like most of others, was devastated by the events that unfolded during the Boston Marathon. As a runner, one who traveled from NY to Philadelphia to run a half marathon for charity, I immediately thought of the innocent people who tied shoelaces that morning in an effort to achieve their dreams, express their personal passions, or meet a life-long goal. It is devestating and uncomfortable to imagine.

I recently came across the picture below on Facebook. It’s from an organization called Muslim Peacemaker Team, an international organization of peacemakers working together in Iraq. Though there’s debate over whether these children are Iraqi or Palestinian, the picture is very very powerful.

We are ALL members of the human race. We are all citizens of planet Earth.

Tragedy opens our heart. Despite our differences, when bad things happen we immediately connect. We tap into the humanity of the immediate events, but often we don’t take moments to connect the singular event to the ceaseless web of universal horror. Horrible shit happens every single day, and we should cry for all injustice the way we did for Boston.

Every explosion and attack should result in outrage, but it doesn’t. Not always. I’m guilt of this too…

If I have one wish, it is for this senseless violence that occurred in Boston to connect us to the outrage of tragedies carried out around the world -- to the tragedies carried out in Iraq. Just as we can mourn for those runners whose lives have forever been changed, let us also connect to all innocent people plagued by violence around the world. Our languages may be different, our cultures may even clash, but there is no exchange rate for bloodshed. Every single life is inherently equal. Every life lost to violence…is a tragedy and should be mourned.

May God be with us all.

(credit: Muslim Peacemaker Team)